Archive for ‘HoHum’

January 22, 2011

Bash

by victorymoon

Been a bit Bash for the past few weeks…
Bashful with Words
Bashed with Illness
Bashed by Blues
Bashed in the head as I leaned too far in this rig……

Things have not been a party; Emotions have been running around in the gutter.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why share any of it, has been my thoughts.

Things have picked up a bit though and thought I would throw a few lines together and post.

Still missing Mum
Still unemployed
Still cold weather around here and not much Sun

See….. why bother…. who wants to read such drivel?

Keep an account of things, in a way, yet, on public display?

 

Advertisements
Tags:
December 21, 2010

Gifts of Affection

by victorymoon

Friday evening, as I swung around, preparing to get in my car, I stopped and said something that still puzzles me. Well, not anymore. I just found my answer, and it is a doozy!

I had passed on some items to an acquaintance, that had belonged to my mother. She had transitioned and I was busy clearing out her apartment. Dismantling a person’s life is a daunting task.

I had quickly chosen to gift a desk chair and computer monitor to a person who needed them. She had gratefully accepted the items and we had loaded them into her vehicle. We were both leaving at the same time and as we parted, she said thank you and I said, “do you love me more now?”

That remark really jolted me, and her, by the look on her face. She said, “no”, and hugged me with a big bear hug.

As I drove out of the parking lot I wondered, what the heck she must think of me after such a remark. Then I thought, what did I think of myself, to make such a remark?

Well, my answer is, I am still trying to please my mother!!!

Howz that?

My mother is dead, well, her body is anyway, and the end of attempting to please her is here. Yet, for some reason, the gift giving thing triggered a need in me for affection? Approval? For what? A gift? For cripes sake, it was a gift. Or was it?

Maybe, for all these years, every gift I have given my mother has been so that she would approve of me? How gag sad is that? I mean, I am 52 years old; can you imagine how many gifts that tallies up to? At least two a year, right? And that is just birthday and Xmas. Then add the little items I threw her direction for some reason or another. Times that by say, 48? for a low number. Gee, I sure have been working overtime for affection.

No wonder none of my relationships work out for very long; how much can a person take from another before they get tired of constantly saying thank you.

Lesson Learned

Now, where do I take the test?

No, please do not tell me………………… I am not really sure I am that ready…….

Tags: ,
December 8, 2010

Evening… within the woods…

by victorymoon

As the day draws down, and the sky fills with light from universes far away… Ru and I seek warmth and companionship with each other.

His pain seems to have subsided, for now, and I notice his desire for food and drink have increased. This is good.Night Sky

Hospital has been called; Ancient One rests, not ready to be moved.

I take a deep breath and think about sustenance .

Already have eaten once today, a good change, so added food is just a thought.

There are so many other forms of sustenance;

sustenance [ˈsʌstənəns]
n
1. means of sustaining health or life; nourishment
2. means of maintenance; livelihood
3. Also sustention [səˈstɛnʃən] the act or process of sustaining or the quality of being sustained [from Old French sostenance, from sustenir to sustain]

 

Yet, it does not even mention how we are social creatures, and occasionally must meet the need. Nor does it touch on how understanding and learning, feed the soul.

Check a thesaurus, there are more phrases, yet, mostly food related, or livelihood. (just what is livelihood?)

Tonight, I want my sus, in the form of a hot water bath, a healthy Mum and Pupp, friends to chat with into the wee hours, and a fire in the pit.

I will settle; soup, a book, a warm bed, a heart broken Ru.

Bless All……….

 

“No one is really working for peace unless he is working primarily for the restoration of wisdom.”—E. F. Schumacher

Tags:
September 1, 2010

Rain….

by victorymoon

As I woke this morning, I felt it headed this direction.

Rain is a gift! I thank UE for this gift today……

Sprigs

Not only is it settling the dust around here, it is showing me where I still need to do some leveling on the ground areas around the Vee.

Speaking of leveling…..

My mind was wandering around on past relationships today, as I made my morning tea. English today, btw. Just a drop of honey. Yum!

What creates in our minds the needs we all have to go back, time and time again, to re-hash an old relationship?

Even when we believe we have figured out all we need to know about this past issue; when we go back, there must be something new to be gained. Or, are we just obsessing? And, could it be both?

I have a friend, who shares with me, as she heals from a past relationship. She let me know recently of something very healthy she did for herself concerning a situation she was in.

Another friend recently told me of how she is dealing with a recent upset concerning her sister, and how it has brought back to the forefront, how their relationship was in the past.

We all have uncomfortable relationships we are either in, or out of, or healing from, or stuck because of.

I have been finding that my mind keeps using humor to help when I get wound up on viewing the past.

I keep finding funny things I could have done, or could do, that might convey to my past partner, some of my pain. Then I just laugh for a while, store the thought or scheme away, for later use, or not, and then move on.

This morning I came up with a new one; I have since forgotten it, yet, it reminded me of how much progress I have made.

One thing I am proud of is… I have NOT done any of these types of things that come to mind. Even though they might make an impression on the past partner, it would not serve my soul well. It would create new memories, yet, they would be tainted ones. Memories created by me, that I would regret, and would not serve the Me I Am Now.

Without the creation of such memories, the rain has less work to do, to level my ground.

August 1, 2010

Hey UE……….

by victorymoon

Much to do....

Su·per·flu·ous

adj

1.  

more than necessary:in excess of what is needed a lot of superfluous detail  

2.  

inessential:not essential superfluous to the discussion  

[14th century. Directly or via French < Latin superfluus < superfluere “overflow” < super “over, above” + fluere “to flow”]
su·per·flu·ous·ly, , adv
su·per·flu·ous·ness, , n

I spend little time on the internet, and what information I have, I either use, or hide away for some point in the future.

As for blogs, in general.

Are there not two billion of them at this time? Why in the world, again a question aimed at the Universe, would mine be needed, read, or whatever?

Heck, I don’t even make entries!!!

So why not pull it off of here and give the space over to someone who will?

Because I am not quite ready to call it quits, I say.

It is difficult to get on the internet, most days, and yet, hey, I am on it now anyway.

Searching through someone else’s info.

Why not include some of my own.

So, today, the info, is a word.

Superfluous.

I had to spell it several times before I got it correct, yet, I finally did.

[sə púrfloo əss]

What in the world was I thinking? Or was I? thinking, I mean.
When I started reading blogs, they consumed me. Ate them up as well, I did.

Now, with the internet connection as unreliable as it is for me here, having my own blog seems superfluous.


Tags: