Posts tagged ‘gifts’

December 21, 2010

Gifts of Affection

by victorymoon

Friday evening, as I swung around, preparing to get in my car, I stopped and said something that still puzzles me. Well, not anymore. I just found my answer, and it is a doozy!

I had passed on some items to an acquaintance, that had belonged to my mother. She had transitioned and I was busy clearing out her apartment. Dismantling a person’s life is a daunting task.

I had quickly chosen to gift a desk chair and computer monitor to a person who needed them. She had gratefully accepted the items and we had loaded them into her vehicle. We were both leaving at the same time and as we parted, she said thank you and I said, “do you love me more now?”

That remark really jolted me, and her, by the look on her face. She said, “no”, and hugged me with a big bear hug.

As I drove out of the parking lot I wondered, what the heck she must think of me after such a remark. Then I thought, what did I think of myself, to make such a remark?

Well, my answer is, I am still trying to please my mother!!!

Howz that?

My mother is dead, well, her body is anyway, and the end of attempting to please her is here. Yet, for some reason, the gift giving thing triggered a need in me for affection? Approval? For what? A gift? For cripes sake, it was a gift. Or was it?

Maybe, for all these years, every gift I have given my mother has been so that she would approve of me? How gag sad is that? I mean, I am 52 years old; can you imagine how many gifts that tallies up to? At least two a year, right? And that is just birthday and Xmas. Then add the little items I threw her direction for some reason or another. Times that by say, 48? for a low number. Gee, I sure have been working overtime for affection.

No wonder none of my relationships work out for very long; how much can a person take from another before they get tired of constantly saying thank you.

Lesson Learned

Now, where do I take the test?

No, please do not tell me………………… I am not really sure I am that ready…….

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